Day 34-35: Hmm.

So... I did not realize I hadn't written in here for two days. That is rather insane. So - let's bring up a recap: 

Thursday:
 - My Math 316 teacher did not realize that the homework did not get sent out till the night before, and so I spent a lot of time trying to do work when I really did not want to. I ended up procrastinating waay too much, leading to several situations where I wanted to get something done but I felt way to tired to do so. Today isn't that much better at that, but at least I have some strict schedule to follow and I can just focus on getting my essays written instead of worrying about everything else happening in my life. 

Friday: 
 - That day was the day I really felt worse about not celebrating any sort of holiday. Without taking a break, I was exhausted and made the dumb mistake of getting a nap and coffee at night, leading to a case where I was too awake to sleep yet too tired to do anything meaningful. My best guess is that this is what depression might feel like, as I really think that my mind is starting to impose on me the burdens it has tried to keep away. I really need to focus and get stuff done, but I keep thinking of the pain I have caused everyone and the pain I keep causing myself by being so distracted. I wish I knew how to handle it - how to resume relations with the people I cared about and all, but I know life isn't as nice as that. I feel like a bird trapped in a cage that is struggling to break free and feel good about life. I want to fly, but I still do not know how to glide. I want to soar, but I feel the chains of Icarus holding me back from everything else. * sighs * Maybe I need to bring some meaning back to my life - perhaps read some LNs or read some math. I just need something to relax to and, if I can find the courage and restraint, someone to relax with. 

Today? I really do not know what to do anymore. I just feel like I had wasted my time in HS and now, without many friends and few close friends, I just don't know what to do anymore. 

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